Today, for the first time in years, I feel 100% myself.
The truth is that I lost myself somewhere along the way. I can tell you that since I was 15ish, I've suffered from depression at some level. Although I'm not prepared to go into detail, I can tell you that it is because I had been keeping a secret from my family that I knew would hurt them. I did not recognize at the time the reason, or that I even was depressed for a long time.
The depression was it's worst about 3 years ago, to the point where I knew that I needed to talk to someone. At 31 years-old I chose a family member that I felt would be least hurt by my secret (although this did not mean not hurt at all). After taking the first step, I found it easier to tell another family member. However I did have to stop there and let that person tell the rest of the family.
And I can actually say that the healing started to happen then. It was a slow process, but I started to become more open and honest. Then positive changes started to happen. I was able to move in with my best friend and start a home. I got a new job that I loved and seemed to be a great fit for me. And then I started to get into fitness.
Today for the first time I really feel slimmer (not skinny). I have wanted to grow my hair out and so decided today that if that was the case, I needed to start doing it. So, I got up, did my hair and put on make up. And when I looked in the mirror I thought, "Hey! That's me"
Although I've known that I've made great progress so far, I have also known that I have a long way to go. And I've also known that there are aspects of my life that are even better than they ever were, like my new fitness habits. But even still, with the improvements, I wasn't totally me.
Today I can say that I feel I'm back, and with some improvements. It is very exciting to me to continue on this journey.
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